


Comfort and Joy

by scalpelsandhappiness



Category: Glee
Genre: Episode: s03e05 The First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:04:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalpelsandhappiness/pseuds/scalpelsandhappiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine likes to think of himself as self-assured. Suave.  Confident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort and Joy

**Author's Note:**

> And once again, this isn't the fic I planned to write, but these lovely characters took over my keyboard. I've read some amazing fics based on this episode, but wondered what if would be like to turn the tables on Shy!Kurt and Confident!Blaine, because the Kurt who lives in my head rarely, if ever, doubts himself once he's decided on a course of action.

Blaine likes to think of himself as self-assured. Suave.  Confident.  His self-image is carefully constructed, meticulously maintained, and held up to himself as true in spite of the many, many times he goes and makes an idiot of himself. He’s a strong, mature teenager, ready for anything. Or so he tells himself most of the time.

Instead, he admits to himself in this moment, he’s actually full of shit. So incredibly full of shit.

_Prejudice is just ignorance._ But sometimes, it also leads to assault and unintended consequences he’d never imagined.

_Courage._   He actually said that.  He said that to someone he later learned is the bravest person he’s ever known.

_I want to make sure that you’re comfortable. So I can be comfortable_.

But now Kurt is comfortable, and he’s the one who’s a bundle of nerves, and what was it he said last Valentine’s Day?

_I don’t know what I’m doing._

Yeah. That sounds about right.

******

They’re here. They’re actually, finally _here,_ in Blaine’s bedroom, in Blaine’s empty house, where Blaine’s parents are off living their own lives, and there’s nothing to prevent him from taking that final step that’s he’s dreamed of, wished for ( _masturbated until his cock is fucking raw_ ), wanted for such an incredibly long time.  He’s a teenager, with all the unrestrained lust inherent in that condition, so the months since he and Kurt became boyfriends might as well have been a fucking eternity. A long, celibate eternity.

And Kurt, shy, sweet Kurt, who’d taken such a long time to be comfortable with hands below the waist, comfortable with acknowledging their desires, comfortable with seeing himself as someone sexual, is kissing him, pulling their hips together to let their arousal for each other be completely evident, and Blaine is a tense, apprehensive bundle of muscles and nerves underneath his boyfriend’s confident touch.

Kurt whispers his name, and Blaine gasps at the sudden warm, wet slide of Kurt’s mouth down his neck; shivers as his hands slide under Blaine’s shirt, starting to raise it up his chest.

Necking is familiar. They’ve done it countless times – at his house, at Kurt’s house, in their cars (front seat, back seat, leaning up against the side if they’re somewhere without the possibility of judgmental eyes), but this is more. They’re going to do _more_ , there’s not going to be a slow pulling away to cool off.

And instead of being in this amazing moment that he desperately wants with his hot, sexy, beloved boyfriend, Blaine’s mind is jumping up and down, saying, _hey, wait! Let’s think about THIS instead!_

He’s pretty sure he’s got a pimple on his ass. If they shower together, will Kurt laugh at his hair? He ate chili at lunch – _ohmygod_ what if he farts at exactly the wrong time? What if he does something Kurt doesn’t like? What if Kurt wants him to deep throat? What if all the pictures of naked men that he’s looked at online were in actuality utterly deceiving and he’s horribly deformed below the waist and Kurt is grossed out and never, ever wants to touch him again?

What if –

During his mental freak-out, Kurt has slid his shirt over Blaine’s head and tossed it to the floor, and is pressing soft kisses against his exposed shoulders. Blaine shivers, self-conscious in only his tank top.

“What are you thinking?” Kurt murmurs, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s lower back more tightly.

“Um... what are _you_ thinking?” he deflects, hoping his tone of voice isn’t too frantic.

Kurt lifts his face up, and Blaine thinks for a moment, _oh God, don’t stop doing that. I’m scared out of my mind but I want you to never stop doing what you were doing._ “How good you feel.” His voice is tender, with a note of roughness new to Blaine’s ears. It sounds like intent.  “How beautiful you are.” He leans in, grazes a soft brush of lips near Blaine’s right eye.  “How much I want this, with you. How much I love you.”

“You’re not nervous? Scared?”

A soft, rosy glow spreads quickly over Kurt’s cheeks, but his smile is confident and happy. “Nervous? Yes, a bit. This _is_ new territory for both of us.” His hands, sliding up and down Blaine’s back and arms, are a devastating distraction from his words. “But no, I’m not scared.”

Blaine feels the certainty in his voice, lets it settle into his skin. Kurt, he knows, has spent so much of his life being told that he can’t have what he wants.  That his wanting things should be a reason to be ashamed. But when Kurt _can_ have what his heart desires, he has it without apology or fear.  _You’ve always been so much braver than me._

“Blaine?” Kurt’s voice is soft and hesitant. “Are you okay?” He takes a minute step back, and Blaine already aches from the lack of contact. “If you changed your mind, it’s all right—“

“ _No._ ” He blurts out desperately. “I love you, Kurt. I _want_ this, it’s just…” He rubs at his eyes, feeling like he’s all of five years old. “We’ve taken things very slowly.”

“We have. And we’ve also talked about this. It’s not like we expect or even want to be porn stars straight out of the gate. We’re teenagers, Blaine.  A certain amount of awkwardness is to be expected.”

“It’s just, when we were _talking_ about things, I felt… I wasn’t nervous.  I was thinking mostly with my cock. But now that we’re actually going to do this?”

Kurt shakes his head and runs his fingers down the back of Blaine’s neck: a gentle, reassuring caress.  “This is a mutual decision, Blaine.”

“What if I mess up?” Blaine’s voice is plaintive, wracked with knowing how often he’s not been what Kurt needs.  All the careless indignities he’s inflicted upon the man he loves – Jeremiah, Rachel, last night at Scandals – swamp him until he feels like his chest is caving in upon itself.

“Then we take a moment, and start again,” Kurt assure him, stroking the fine hairs on Blaine’s arms. “I trust you. I _love_ you.”

Blaine leans in against him, desperately tilting his head up for a kiss. “I love you,” he murmurs against Kurt’s lips. “I’m such an idiot, and I’m pretty sure I’ve developed stress-induced acne all over my ass in the last few hours. But I love you.” Kurt’s lips are quirking into an unrestrained smirk. “Please don’t judge me?”

Kurt kisses him, quickly and sweetly, then throws back his head and laughs. “So you’re feeling self-conscious now that our clothes are about to hit the floor?” He looks back into Blaine’s eyes, and Blaine can’t help but grin back at the spark of mischief on Kurt’s face. “I can help with that.”

“How?” And Blaine can only watch in bemusement as Kurt straightens up, presses a fist against his diaphragm, and lets out an incredibly loud belch. “ _Kurt!”_

“What?” Kurt giggles at his look of disbelief. “I live with Finn and my dad. Burping contests are at _least_ a weekly occurrence in our household. I can’t stop them, so I decided to join them. And then beat them,” he notes with pride.

Laughter rises up between the two of them, washing away the worst of Blaine’s insecurities. Kurt kicks off his shoes, and pulls Blaine toward the bed. “Lie down?” Filled with a giddy sense of trust, Blaine throws himself onto the mattress, dragging Kurt after him, laughing as they fall.

******

“Let’s just stay like this for a while, hmm?”

Blaine nods his agreement, letting the sight and feel of Kurt lying beside him saturate his senses.  In the low half-light of his room, Kurt’s skin looks like alabaster, only slightly darker than the white of his undershirt.  The faint hint of his cologne mixes with the scent of their warmed skin, and Blaine smiles at all the mingled sensations as he leans his head in to rub his nose against Kurt’s.

There’s no need for words, and their movements are slow and delicate. Kurt’s hand against his shoulder is a soft, reassuring spike of warmth, anchoring him to reality in the midst of dreamlike sensation. Blaine’s anxiety is melting away with each tender caress, each soft smile echoed back and forth between them, safe in the knowledge that yes, this is them, and there is no rush to get to where they both want to go.

Kurt lazily entwines their hands together, the slide of fingers into each other’s grasp a sensuous tease, before pulling his hand away to brush his fingers over Blaine’s jaw, his collarbone, his ribs. Each touch is tender and intimate, undemanding and reverent. 

Blaine can’t suppress the overflowing happiness he feelg and sacred. Blaine hasn'ach other'nd forth between them, safe in the knowledge thas, the sense of security in knowing how much Kurt loves him. These moments aren’t more important than the others they’ve shared, he realizes with surprise. Making love won’t overshadow everything else that’s wonderful about how much they appreciate each other and want each other in their lives. It’s just a natural progression of all the other moments they’ve spent together, and the longing he feels for the man beside him banishes the last remaining vestiges of fear and self-consciousness.

He rolls closer to Kurt, ghosting a soft kiss along the long line of his neck, and then rests his head against Kurt’s shoulder, smiling at his boyfriend.  His smile is probably over-the-top goofy and besotted, and Blaine couldn’t care less.

“I believe you mentioned something about clothes hitting the floor?” Kurt nods, his sudden grin a bright exhalation. “I’d really like in on that,” Blaine says in a low, knowing voice, before leaning in for another kiss.

******

Skin is the largest organ on the human body. Blaine vaguely remembers one of his teachers telling his class that once, even though the biggest laughs and whispered jokes were reserved for the excretory and reproductive systems.  As he and Kurt lie on their sides in a close embrace, Blaine finds himself a huge fan of skin. More specifically, Kurt’s skin, and how it feels against his own.

It’s not just the skin of their cocks, whispering against each other in tentative slides that draw gasps and moans from them uncontrollably. It’s the skin of Kurt’s shoulders underneath his fingertips, the sensation of Kurt’s toes skidding up and down his calf, the soft press of lips on shoulders, necks, anywhere that can be reached. Blaine had usually thought that skin was just the covering over the rest of the human body, unremarkable except for what areas it held together and concealed.

During one of their discussions about when they’d be ready for intimacy, Kurt had expressed the opinion that all things considered, the human body was a bit ridiculous in how it responded to sex. He’d blushed and ducked his head through much of the conversation, and Blaine had mentally preened at how matter-of-fact and mature his own replies had been. But now, as Kurt gasps and presses his hips closer to Blaine, it’s clear that neither of them find this ridiculous. Astonishing, amazing, devastating in how any barriers between them have dissipated into nothingness in the midst of this incredible closeness. But not ridiculous, not now as desire flares through them both.

 “Here, come here, _Blaine,_ ” Kurt pleads, sliding one thigh between Blaine’s own, then dragging Blaine’s top leg over his hip in a sudden, strong movement. Blaine sighs heavily as the change in position brings their cocks closer together, the contact between them increasing the spiraling sensation that he’s losing the last shredded scraps of his self-control. “Blaine, you feel so good,” Kurt gasps before biting down on his lower lip and shuddering in Blaine’s arms.

The only usefulness control has in this situation is how it leads them to be careful of each other’s pleasure, to not move ahead more quickly than the other can match the pace. Blaine _wants_ them to lose control of the passion they’re sharing so frantically, and from the dazed, darkened gaze in Kurt’s eyes, he knows his boyfriend is in complete agreement.

“Kurt – _ooooh, Kurt_ – don’t stop,” Blaine moans, the press of their hips against each other deliriously good, Kurt’s lips on his alternately moving hard and deep, other times just held against him as they both gasp for breath.

“Do you want to use any lube?” The hushed words against his neck are felt just as much as heard, and tear a trembling shudder from Blaine’s tense body.

“Don’t – _oh God_ – need it, Kurt. So close. So hot,” he gasps, burying his head against Kurt’s chest. “You?”

“Next time,” Kurt promises, and that’s _it_ for Blaine, the knowledge that they can do _this_ , in dizzying variations, again and again and again, and it strips away the last bit of holding back, and his mind clears of anything but the need for _more, now, Kurt._

One hand is tangled in Kurt’s hair, and he uses it to draw him down for a fierce, open-mouthed kiss. He slides the other down the smooth line of Kurt’s back to rest on his ass. Blaine flexes his hand against the tense muscle of one cheek, then presses in hard, bringing them as close together as possible, given that he feels like every muscle in his body is vibrating out of his skin.

Blaine lets it all wash over him – their frantic movements against each other, the arousing, ecstatic  sounds drawn from their throats that they can’t hold back, Kurt’s body tensing and quivering against him, the astonishing spike of heat in his spine and balls, and the sudden sensation that the world is dropping out from under him as he feels his orgasm begin its inevitable rush.

He’s not afraid, not anymore. This is safety, experiencing this in Kurt’s arms.

His groan tears its way free of his throat as he throws his head back, his body arching uncontrollably against Kurt as exquisite pleasure courses through him. He wants to see Kurt’s face, see Kurt come, but his eyes are clamped shut, and he has no power over any part of his body.

“Blaine, _oh God,_ you’re – I’m – _God,_ ” Kurt’s voice is high and strangled, and as Blaine surrenders to the relentless haze of his climax, he feels Kurt come, the spreading, sticky warmth envelope them both.

******

After a quick, mutual trip to Blaine’s bathroom to clean themselves off, they’re tangled together in intimate warmth under the covers of Blaine’s bed.

“Still okay?” Kurt asks him, voice lazy and sated, his limbs loose and warm against Blaine’s.

“Unbelievably so,” Blaine reassures him, teetering between the edge of languorous bliss and sleep. “You?”

Kurt giggles, a sharp burst of sound that vibrates against Blaine’s chest. “Yeah. Just thinking about how amazing that was.” His voice takes on an awed note. “How incredibly beautiful.”

Blaine smiles and nods gently. Beautiful.  He thinks about how close the two of them felt, his realization that while masturbation had been a single-minded drive toward completion, making love had been about existing in each moment, in the glory that their bodies had been able to draw out of each other.  How he knows Kurt in an amazing, intimate way that no one else has ever experienced, and Kurt knows him in the same fashion.

“Love you,” he breathes out, nuzzling his head against Kurt’s collarbone. “Always love you.”

Kurt hums in response, tightening his arms momentarily around Blaine. “Should we tell anyone about this?”

Blaine considers the question seriously. “If you want to tell your dad, that’s fine. Everyone else will probably know next week at school when I can’t look at you without getting bedroom eyes.” He grins to himself. “We’ll probably need to practice looking stoic and uninvolved.”

“Like I was ever able to look at you that way before?” Kurt laughs.

“Likewise. But this is ours, Kurt. I don’t need to tell anyone about us losing our virginities to each other. I just need to know that this is something amazing that we shared because we love each other.” He feels the truth of his statement settle into his skin. Knowing Kurt lost in ecstasy in his arms, knowing the helpless abandon he felt with him is enough. Gossiping about their love life holds no appeal.

“But if you did?” Kurt presses. “What would you tell them?”

And Blaine thinks of Kurt’ courage, his lack of shame in reaching out to take what they both wanted. Kurt’s confidence in the strength of their love and connection. The magnificent sight and feel of Kurt giving and taking from Blaine all that they had to offer each other.

“The burping, definitely,” Blaine teases.  “My boyfriend was so concerned about how ridiculous I felt that he showed off his belching skills to help me relax.”

Kurt shakes with mirth. “I’ll always be there to burp for you, Blaine. My contest-winning skills in that area cannot be denied.”

And caught between laughter and the relentless drag of sleep in their afterglow, Blaine can only close his eyes, lost in joy.


End file.
